18 months or he ain't that into you

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Comedian Bill Marr was on the Tonight Show last night and commented that if a guy hasn't indicated a willingness to get married after a year and a half of dating, chances are it's not going to happen.

I tend to agree. Thoughts?

Hey Stump... long time no argue! (errr... see?) I'm suprised nothing about the Telus strike/lockout/censorship!

As per your question.

For me it kind of hinges on this turn of phrase

"indicated a willingness to get married"

With that little addendum, I'd have to agree. However I do not agree that it necessarily means he isn't committed for the long run. Some couples just don't get married anymore. They times, they are a changin'.

Although I have to agree with the general sentiment... most guys kind of know within that time frame. I know I had proposed within that time, and most of the comments at the wedding were that I was never ever never going to get married.

re: the Telus strike, I don't know a ton about it at this point, other than it appears both sides have some pretty unrealistic expectations (according to the other side's propaganda). The censorship pisses me off, but he who has the gold makes the rules n'est-ce pas?

I guess commitment/marriage are interchangeable in this day and age, but then again, if ya ain't willing to make it official, it makes it easy to walk away when the going gets tough, and in relationships, the going always gets tough at some point.

I'm gonna disagree. It really depends on the guy. For a lot of people, living in today's society their are more issues to deal with compared to our parents generation.

Everyone's more independent, we run in our own little circles and integrating each other into them can be difficult. We're also more apt to live with our partners before contemplating marriage. It might have something to do with the divorce stats, seeing failed relationships with our own families and friends.

I have friends on both extremes that are now married. Short intense courtships, and 3 - 5 yrs of common law before committing. It might be too that marriage itself no longer has it's indelible power. What with Mc Weddings and same day annulments.

Getting married shouldn't be about it feeling right. It's matter of peoples oath's to each other and living up to one's word. Speaking from experiance, I've never contemplated the M untill the 3yr mark. But what do I know, I'm just 1 guy.

emd By emd

It pains me to say this, but I mostly agree with Stump. However, just because you feel like getting married, doesn't mean it will work out. I know people that were together for 11 before getting married and I know people that were married for 14 and got divorced.

People do change and that change will affect others.

Me? It probably took me a couple of years before marriage felt right. Tied the knot after 3 years and things are going strong.

If it feels right, I say go for it. If it doesn't last, then try to resolve it amicably and move on with your life. Life is too short to not enjoy yourself.

Why does it always 'pain' people to agree with me? I assure you it doesn't feed my ego. :-p

A couple of amendments to the original statement... and remember, I didn't come up with it.

Eighteen months or out has a couple of caveats in my mind. First, it doesn't mean you should run

out and tie the knot, but if you don't feel the urge to make a life together after about a year...

maybe the connection will never be strong enough? Nothing wrong with a long engagement, but

w/out the desire to connect permanently in the first place....

People really do change, esp. between teenager-dom and their early 30's. The eighteen month rule

is probably most applicable to the 30-plus set who are more fully-developed in terms of their

personality, viewpoints, and attitude towards life.

Frankly, I think you can tell within about five minutes if someone is a possibility and it only takes a

couple of dates to solidify or negate that original impression. Walking away from a doomed

relationship early is tough, but it's better than breaking someone's heart later.

For a copy of my new book "Do as I say, Not as I do: Stumpy's Guide to Wedded Bliss" simply send

me $50.00 and five grams of your favourite illegal substance (no crack please). :-)

mO By mO

I'm tempted to agree, but at the same time, I'd have to say no because it will probably depend on age, won't it? I mean, if you're 18 and have been in a 2 year relationship...is this your clue to get married? As well, what about those people in a 6+ year relationship? What does that mean, do they just enjoy each other's company and don't want to get married? Or is it perhaps they're waiting to move out of their parents' homes before they get married?

-->I guess commitment/marriage are interchangeable in this day and age, but then again, if ya ain't willing to make it official, it makes it easy to walk away when the going gets tough, and in relationships, the going always gets tough at some point. <--

There's a flip side to that coin. Committment without marriage means that both people need to continue to appreciate their partner (i.e., keep working at it without getting complacent) because if the relationship isn't working anymore, it's easy (..ier) to walk away from it *1. Whereas once the knot is tied, in some cases, one (or both) take that as permission to stop working on the relationship, or turn into a mean, uncaring bastard/bitch because the other person can't just easily walk away anymore.

Me and my wife (of almost 4 years now) have been together for over 10 years (I think), and there were two main reasons for waiting to get married. First, we didn't want to get married just because it was "the right thing to do", or our family/friends expected it ---although we *did* communicate our committment to each other within the first 6 months of our relationship, and I think that's the original poster's point--- and second, was for exactly the reason I pointed out above: we wanted to make the relationship work without getting complacent, and staying unmarried for so long *forced* us to always work at treating the other person the right way. Has it changed since we got married? Oh yeah... and it's become harder for both of us to remember to treat the other person right. It's all good and still working though... in case anyone cares.


*1 - not to mention cheaper

emd By emd

--> Why does it always 'pain' people to agree with me? I assure you it doesn't feed my ego. :-p <--

It pains me because I would much rather disagree with you as that is muuuuch more fun!!!

"If that means pulling out early"

OMG, ROTFLMAO over THAT particular choice of words.

Hahaha, that is pretty awesome.

Ah I'm one of the worlds biggest fans of the highest form of humour: The Pun. It's the

unintentional puns that are the sweetest (close behind are the tortuous puns that make your

victim roll their eyes, groan, laugh at the same time, and then hate that they laughed).